Vijftig worden

Being now in the second half of my first century, I'm entitled to slow down a bit. So it's taken a couple of months to post this rather special memento of a brilliant day - thanks to the HEART centre in Bennett Road for hosting a brilliant event to celebrate it.  Many fantastic contributions were heard, but the centre piece was of course an unforgettable, impenetrable, and hilarious medley of Nederlish songs from a hot new Euro-Pop act - let's hear it please for Maria, Henk and Saskia !

Extraordinary stuff.

The Reign in Spain

Stayed mainly in the plain old port of Soller today - they were having a triathlon in 30+ degrees of heat, can you believe.
And Chris devoured an icecream on the beach ..
(Sent from mobile)

Now boarding !

The might Cosmo airlines (jet2's sub-contractor) prepares to sweep our intrepid travellers from rainy Leeds to what we hope to be 2 weeks in sunny Mallorca. Cool black plane, very Dark Knight...
(Sent from mobile)

More of LNO

Hearty companionship, I say.
Nothing wrong with that. Though Dave looks a bit blurry.

And the Hussars ! Huzzah !

(Sent from mobile)

LNO York - July 2012

A ghostly visage waves us off from York station on Monday night. Who could it be ?
.......some say he is the spirit of "Transport Past"....
.........some of "Transport Yet To Come" .....  

We can only know that, this being TransPennine Express, he is definitely NOT the spirit of
"Transport Bang On Time"

Max @ Headingley Stadium

Max got to play rugby in front of a crowd of 9000 in early January. His team (Moortown under 10s) played in the half-time interval of a Leeds Carnegie game (which unfortunately they lost to Bath).

There's an 'early Bath' joke in there somewhere, but we are not going to help it out.

Today I was shown this intriguing site called wordle.net : it makes a random 'word picture' out of any set of text you point it at. Here for instance is the contents of this blog - larger words indicate ones which occur most frequently. 

MAXimum volume

Max has been getting very enthusiastic about his drumming since September. This is a clip we played him at Christmas to illustrate why we needed to invest in a more neighbour-friendly digital alternative ..... Luckily, he's just as keen on that version.

True Customer Service

Just today I received a pointless marketing email from Virgin wines, wishing me a merry Xmas and encouraging me to get orders in early etc etc. Nothing remarkable there, but there's a fantastically bizarre post script, which demonstrates exactly how seriously they take their customers' stated preferences :

"PS - Currently you have chosen not to receive wine marketing emails from us. If you wish to continue not receiving information about special offers and discounts you don't have to do anything. If, however, you would like the opportunity to get the very best deals from Virgin Wines just reply to this email and we will add you to our mailing list. We don't pass your details on to any third party, so you won't suddenly be bombarded with offers from companies you've never heard of. And, of course, you can ask to be taken off the list at any time."

Which is an extraordinarily effective Catch-22. It seems to translate as :
"We've received your request not to be bombarded with offers, but are ignoring it. If you don't reply we may continue to do so. If you do reply, we take it as a signal you want to be on our mailing list, so you'll probably get more of them. Of course, you remain in total control at all times".


Any suggestions how best to deal with this ?

Snow Moon Sheep

December 6th : an azuretastic day for clambering up Beamsley Beacon in the residue of Thursday's snow. Unlike the weedy couple of claggy centimeters we saw in Leeds, up here there was a respectable dump, drifts of which were still there on the Saturday. Low sun gave beautiful views across Wharefdale, and we were beaten to the summit only by a were-sheep, baa-ing at the moon. ("Oh aye, it's just a harmless wee lamb, that's right - I always tell 'em - but do they listen ? "). Kids had great fun chucking crusts of icy snow at each other (how we laughed with the casualty department staff), and Felix the Dog (yes, well) hurtled through the setting rays most decoratively.














Lianne thinks the kids are over that way, somewhere ...

Guy Fawkes 08

Australian Exodus

- summer 2008 -

Dream of Chalet Fornet (Va) cation

Returned last weekend from a fab skiing trip, sharing a chalet with 4 other families.

My lovely assistant is seen here pointing out Val 'd'Isere (our chalet was actually sited just on the left hand edge of that map, in le Fornet, hence the Amusing Title above - if it means nothing to you, have a look here).

The weather was generally great and the snow conditions absolutely superb. Plus, the company was excellent. If the cake had been as unlimited as the wine, all would have been PERFECT. (Certain fathers were brutally shortchanged on the lemon drizzle cake front, but manfully resisted the temptation to complain, of course. Solidarity, Harry).

And of course we managed to build an extension on the front of the chalet to house some of the more hardy members of our group - which was nice.





Finally, there was some actual skiing done - judging by this, Great Britain is in good shape for the 2020 Winter Olympics. Holland may be in a with a shout too.

United / Untied

Oh dear , oh dear, oh dear, oh... DEAR.

Tim - this one's for you - though I'm sure you were the FTK anyway.

After a storming start to the season, wiping out the FA's 'because we can' 15-point deduction in less than 10 games, Leeds United are returning to form. Sadly.

This week saw the Mighty 'Nam (aka Cheltenham Town, that colossus of the modern game) complete a double over our brave lads, with a 2-1 win at Elland Road. Really, the writing was on the wall from the pre-season 0-0 draw with York 'Kit-Kats for goalposts, eh?' City, but we allowed ourselves to dream.

Te Yorkshire Post puts it ever so gently -
http://www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/leedsunited/
Woeful-Leeds-fall-against-Cheltenham.3867160.jp

Edible, but at what cost ?

Regular visitors to this site (we know who you are, though your motivation is unclear) will be familiar with MyMateMatt as an occasional but welcome presence on these pages.

While in Whitelocks the other evening, he introduced me to a whole new sensation. I think it is my duty to alert the wider public (not much wider, given our limited readership, but one does one's best) to the risks inherent in taking Strange Substances offered by Apparently Generous Benefactors in Public Places without first conducting Suitable Research.

"Look at this, Johnny", he says, wielding a round brown thing. Now then, I actually know this one. "It's a plate," I respond, with some confidence. "Ahhhh - but what sort of plate ? " "Ummmm - a brown one ?" "No - it's bio-degradable. Made from reconstituted potato. You can EAT it !".

So saying he, took a sizeable bite out of the edge of it. As it seemed rude not to, I had a go as well.

This continued until the whole thing was reduced to the shard shown above, and we went home, contented with a job well done.

Dear reader, not only were we both subject to severe gastric pressures for the next 12 hours, but it surely can be no coincidence that the following day the waste pipe from my house was entirely blocked, and for 36 challenging hours the lavatorial facilities were out of action until, bless him, the DRAIN DOCTOR (TM) blasted them clear.

(Matt does not hold with my theory - he has lingering suspicions about the quantity of beer we washed it down with, but to my mind the adhesive holding the potato bits together is the prime suspect).

In the prophetic words of Hilaire Belloc :

"..Oh my friends, be warned by me

That breakfast, dinner, lunch and tea

are all the Human Frame requires...

With that the Wretched Child expires."

Here endeth the lesson.

Happy New Year

This is how we got welcomed to Florida. The locals are charming, aren't they ?

MAX points out : "Mum's hair is drenched because she's been running away so fast"

(Nothing to do with us being the only ones daft enough to choose 2 water rides early in the day on a January 2nd visit, then....)

Mexico - Day of the Dad

Here we are then. An IBM office crammed with squealing kiddies demanding sweets with menaces. In Spanish. Dressed as pumpkins. And vampires. While major fire hazards comprised of ersatz spider webs and Frankenstein monster effigies adorn the cubicles.


Why ?

Wot, no Bonfire ?

I'll be missing November 5th this year owing to an outrageously long businesss trip (actually 4 of them running into one.)
So - no Sp*rkl*r B*t, no pyro playtime.....
And then, just to rub it in, I see this neon sign on the mean streets of San Jose....

Johnny No Rockets, more like. Pah.

From Florida - With Luurve

Wa-HEY ! We were honoured to receive 'Big' Dave Hewitt for a Bank Holiday Monday of fwon and things. He's on a round-the-UK-in-6-days-via-Rekyavik tour, but managed to drop by. And how we laughed ! Tennis, footy, BBQ and beer - you know it makes sense..
Although, increasingly little, as the evening wore on.

Dave tells me he and Ginelle are seriously considering relocating to a more civilised country. (Chad seemed appropriate - given the absolutely vote-rig-mungous state of Florida - but no, it's the bally old UK )

In the interests of democratic interactivity, we invite our readers to post a response completing this phrase in up to 12 words of their choice :
" I reckon Dave ought to move back to England as soon as practically possible BECAUSE...."
The winner will receive a magnificent FREE set of hand-crafted Floridean souvenirs, including :
Disneyland 'Magic Kingdom' Defibrillator, Family-Pack of Alligator Repellent, and the I-Spy Book of Hurricane Damage. So - what are you waiting for ?

Dr Who - Morality Quiz

A casual email chain with MyMateMatt started off this thought : should we not be questioning more closely the human/alien interactions depicted on supposedly responsible programmes like Dr Who ? An example taken from a recent philosophical exchange -

MATT :
"... one moment they were bunkered down, armed to the teeth and succesfully taking out the scarecrows in satisfying quantities and the next they were all running away like big girls. I'd have shot the little girl - her balloon was getting on my **** anyway - after all she did vaporise the headmaster"
JC:
Ah, well now - if only alien extermination was that simple, eh ? It's the old chestnut :
"Am I entitled to waste a small child (who has effectively sacrificed its claim to human rights by hosting an alien lifeform) once it has vaporised a leading education representative , or must I tolerate the irritation of its balloon-brandishing until a majority of the school establishment have been dispatched ?"
Always a loaded question.
Personally, I was more worried about WHY a hail of bullets passing through straw should be fatal to animated scarecrows which lacked any vital organs or conventional blood supply. If only they would explain these things, eh ?

Any views ?

Portrait of Dorian's Dad

What a fine likeness ! This is the author as seen by Max. Curvature of the spine and asymmetric head brilliantly rendered, I think you'll agree. Note: the oval under my elbow is not the side of a wheelchair nor an enormous beergut, but our kitchen table.

75% PF reunion

Thought you all ought to be the First to Know that we finally met up with Tim "Just passing junction 3, should be with you any day now" Abram the other week, despite him having blown out previous gigs in both York and Knaresborough. So we settled on F&C from Bryan's, followed by a few pints at the New Inn instead.
Sadly, Big Scraps were not available.
But beer were a laugh.
(Greene King ? In Yorkshire ? With MY reputation ?)

The Pain and Sprain comes Mainly from La Plagne

Just back from a week skiing in France (La Plagne, since you ask, darling).

Triffic fun, combinations of sunny days & snow-storms . During one of the white-outs I decided to try a slalom course and naturally fell off at the second curve, with predictable damage to shoulder and hip. (They just don't THINK, do they ?).

On the last day, we took a cable car to where 3 ice artists have tunnelled some inter-linked caves into the face of a glacier. These are filled with immense sculptures like the dragon (lizard ? Komodo dragon ? thingy ?) seen here being tamed by Max (and the Wild Things). Chris was slightly concerned about how solid the 30m of ice above our heads was.... not the moment for global warming to kick in.

MJ in the UK

Marilyn was working in Cambridge for a couple of weeks and paid us a visit. So we had a blustery walk round the Yorkshire Sculpture park (aka Junction 38 of the M1). Looks sort of like TeleTubby Land with Henry Moore doing the set design. 

Pyro Pete's Final Fawkes ? CRIKEY !

Dispensing heartlessly with tradition, we celebrated Guy Fawkes night on the 4th November this year. Saturday evenings are just easier to organise. After a series of ever more creative and frankly bizarre experiments with sparkler-clustering designs, we wanted to give my old mate Pete Austick (aka Pyro Pete) a seriously memorable send-off before he (with family) emigrates to Australia in 10 days' time.

Planning sessions (such as they were) are recorded here - http://amazingforums.com/forum/ORANJE/6.html

SO - an Australian theme it was.

The Giant Prawn has already been covered on this site (see previous posting), but little did we suspect the other HUGE contenders for Immense Immolation, namely -

• Voluminous VB Can
• Bl**dy Big Barbie
• Colossal Croc

..not to mention 'Guy Day, Ned' Kelly in effigy, wrestling Matthew Page to the floor in a spirited final bid for freedom.


WHOOMF ! Tremendous team creativity, and our thanks to everyone who participated.
There was a slightly dodgy moment with the Sp@rkler Bat for which we are all very sorry (memo to team : roman candles are not designed for horizontal use) , but the final airborne journey and flare-up was as impressive as ever and, personally, rather touching.

Even more so when PP himself presented me with the SB itself to preserve in perpetuity (well, in our garage, more likely)



So - the end of an era. What does the future hold ?
Pete, Lianne and I discussed this at some length afterwards, sitting round the fireside in the small hours of Sunday morning. You could view the last few years events as some of us (we know who we are) reliving our childhoods, only with bigger budgets and less parental restraint. There is a limit as to how far this can go (the authorities have some fairly strict views on this, and certain local dog-owners are also pretty vocal), so I think we'll be re-assessing the nature of Nov 5th for 2007. Perhaps it should be just a simple do for the kids and their friends, perhaps a quieter get-together for our mates, but I doubt we'll continue with the same approach in years to come. So - if you missed it, - too late! If you came but hated it - sorry. If you came, saw and enjoyed it, then I'm delighted , and I'm glad we all came out in one piece.

Like we said on the invite :

"....and gentlemen in England still a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here."



The St Johns Ambulance, Fire Service and other bodies may disagree, however.

Prawn for the Barbie

As requested by Pyro Pete, here's photographic evidence of the Giant Prawn .
First, the construction phase :
A hollow core inner (papier mache on balloon approach) is covered in corrugated cardboard and lovingly hand-painted an irridescent pink by available (ie cheap) child labour...

OK so far. But then things get horribly out of hand as the creature, psychologically damaged by its unnatural birth, and bidding to return to the sea through the nearest drainage hole, turns on its creators....

Let's hope it has calmed down by the fourth.

Any progress with life-sized Barbie(TM) to throw him on ?

Off-piste hiking in the Catskills

This is BALSAM CAP, in the Catskill Mountains of New York state. It's at 3500 feet or so, and at 10:00 on Saturday 7th October I was at 1100feet .... Hmmmm.


After fighting through incredibly dense tree cover, steep scree slopes, knee-deep leaf-mould etc for 5 hours we covered the 3 miles (!) to the peak. Hoo-rah. This is the view we got, looking back East across the valley. (Up to that point there had only been one break in the trees to see anything more than 50yards away)














Personally I gave up hope of finding the box on top in which you can write your name on the climbing record, and was starting to get concerned about our chances of getting back down before nightfall. But CARL PARRIS is made of sterner stuff (you have to be, to tackle mainframe performance), and located it at 15:20 .
















Then it was a mere 2:40 drop back down - we found a much simpler route (what the locals dismissively refer to as a "herd-path", but still far from a clearly marked trail) which avoided most of the dense vegetation.

BONFIRE NIGHT 2006

It's nearly upon us : only 2 short months to go. Gosh.

First the important news : executive decision is to hold it on SATURDAY 4th NOVEMBER, rather than on the 5th. This allows extra options, such as :-
* those who wish to to stay over can witness the smoking ruins on Sunday morning,
* others can simply have a lie in at home the next day,
* or perhaps grab a few extra hours of treatment.

This is of course a very special year, as our spiritual leader (Pyro Pete) is making his last appearance before heading off down the yellow brick road to Oz . So we need to make an even more fantastic effort to give him a send-off to remember !

In the spirit of previous years, I now throw this open to comments, additions and munitions.

Summer in Limoges

Something fishy.....
(this carp pulled our rod into the water. Lucky we weren't holding it at the time...)




















And sometimes, we have our reservations...
















We were watching a frenchman with a large bottom taking photo's from the bridge. He was wearing what looked like a small black swimming costume ... which didn't quite fit him. Not a pretty sight, but pretty funny.




















...and as you can see, this is all just a Pack. (Of lies). No , that was another one - in fact this is from the Wolf sanctuary

Firefox browser does not show pictures

don't know why but I have noticed on 2 separate PCs that, while Internet Explorer shows the inline thumbnail version of any embedded pictures on this blog, if using Firefox as a browser you just see a small white box. Clicking on it still shows you the ful picture, but it is not at all obvious that there IS a picture there to be seen. Hmmmmm - will look into it.

'T is weer voorbij....

..de mooie zomer, bedoel ik. Kinderen moeten morgen weer naar school, ik naar kantoor, Lianne een opleiding zoeken .
Tja. Nou.